Fags (Continue to Avoid Offense)

Before coming to Denmark, I enjoyed nonchalantly telling my friends that I was going to quit smoking as soon as I got off the plain in Copenhagen. I assumed the high cost of everything would translate into ungodly high cigarette prices. They have a 200 percent tax on cars, so surely they must tax cigarettes to the point at which only billionaire oil tycoons can afford them. Not so...

While the average pack of twenty cigs costs around 7 US dollars here (a price hike enough to make some religious smokers reevaluate their habits), there are also packs of ten that sell at every store in Denmark for around half that much. This means that drunken, or addictive impulse buys are that much easier here. I cabn get a pack of ten Marlboro Reds for four bucks. Since that's less than a miniature euro-burger at McDonald's here, it's easy to make the decision to buy a back of deadly diet suppressants. Needless to say, I haven't quit.

"Smoking can kill"

But I think about it all the time, quitting, that is. Unfortunately I think about smoking just as much. I hate to say it, but I think I;m at the point where I can safely say that I am dangerously addicted to the things, despite the warning labels that dominate the face of every pack, giving dire warnings like "SMOKING CAUSES IMPOTENCE" and "SMOKING KILLS." The warnings still don't stop what seems like half the population of Denmark from smoking, and looking damn good while they blow smoke in your face.

I've been searching for quitting strategies. Not online, because the internet is full of more bullshit than Charlie Sheen and Tom Cruise, COMBINED! One quiting technique I've tried out in the field was, every time I've wanted to spend four bucks on a pack of smokes, I've tried to displace that desire by spending that money on an equivalent amount on something else, usually food. This has only achieved mild success in my experience, especially today, when I spent it on beer. I ended up actually spending twice as much on beer because I was inspired by the massive selection at the grocery store (Bilka, for those curious enough to care). Now, this started out fine, I mean, besides spending ten dollars for no good reason. But I ended up getting a little drunk, and a little impulsive... I bought a pack. Back to the drawing board.